How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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