All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
