I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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