she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
