did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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