yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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