Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize