perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
