I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
