Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
