i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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