i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize