Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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