I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
