It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
