The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
