it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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