He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
