I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
