I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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