Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
