11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize