how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
