She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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