fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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