My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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