I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
