I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
