I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
