I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
