We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
