Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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