After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
