Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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