Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
