I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize