my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
