I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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