its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
