they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
