If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
