my mouth tastes like poor choices
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
