Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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