The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He better not be in your backpack
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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