Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
