Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
