you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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