I'm passing your future prison.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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