Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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