Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
