dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
