wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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