i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
