Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Life is so much better after having sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
