nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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