woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
