Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
