Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize