His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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