I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
