are you still at the devil's house?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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