My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
