Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
