Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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