I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
