So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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