Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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