I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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