I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wear drunk well.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
