News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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