Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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