i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
