i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
this hospital has no fireball
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
