that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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