it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
