this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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