I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
