haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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