you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
