I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
