He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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