so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
