I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
