Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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