Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
