Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
