If i come over, it means nothing
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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