"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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