DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
