Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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