So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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