hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
