I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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