hotel room ftw
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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