Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm having to shit out rocks
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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