just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
