In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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