Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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