Having a random hookup so left but love u
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
