Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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