how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
