Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
