either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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