Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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