I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
