Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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