i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm both gender and math confused
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize