so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize