For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You made out with two different species that night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
