His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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