shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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