imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
