Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
