i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
