Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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