i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize