you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
