How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
